The Bathroom Caper
by TertiaryRaiths
Summary: Bella," Emmett said. "Let's play a game." written for the Twilight Junkies challenge challenge issued by TheCryzinglyInsne1 Mild Breaking Dawn spoilers.


**This is a challenge issued by TheCryzinglyInsne1 on the Twilight Junkies forum. If you don't like it, take it up with her-don't flame, kay? Cause I have a flamethrower...XD**

**The specific requirements for this particular fic were:**

**_"Emmett/Bella(not as a pairing.. just brother/sister bickering), a rubber ducky, shampoo, cake, toilet paper, and... Jake comes in somehow._**

**_IN THAT ORDER!! muahahahaha! has to be rated T and has swearing. me likey swearing. XD"_**

* * *

I was going up the stairs, without Edward, to see Renesmee and, of course, Jake. I was pondering the strange expression on Edward's face as he left me at the base of the stairs 'to help Carlisle with something.'

I was so busy pondering his expression (and, honestly, his face in general) that I walked right into a black wall.

"Hey!" I yelped, bouncing backwards. Emmett remained where he was, grinning down at me. My big brother was a real pain in the butt. Mostly because he hated the fact that I was stronger than him, so he'd been more of a pain then ever before lately.

Sigh.

"Bella," he said, "Let's play a game."

Instantly I was on my guard. Emmett and playing games always equaled danger-at least, when I was a human. Diving off cliffs with boulders tied to your legs was not my idea of a game. But apparently, it was Emmett's. Now I knew what Edward had left me to walk upstairs on my own. He loved that I could defeat Emmett in anything he chose to do.

"I'm not interested, Emmett," I sighed, pushing past him.

"C'mon," he wheedled. "It's fun this time."

"Like the mountain lift, Emmett? We almost brought that thing down on us, and it didn't even MOVE."

"Better than that," he insisted. "Please, please please PLEASE play a game with me."

"Nuh-uh."

Emmett promptly threw his arms around my waist and ran into Alice's room. It only took about ten seconds-plenty of time for me to threaten his life. "DAMMIT, EMMETT!" I screamed. "LET ME GO, NOW!"

"Play with me!" he ordered, and dumped me in Alice's enormous bathtub.

I glared up at him for a moment, then folded my arms over my chest. "What is it?" I mumbled.

A huge grin lit up his face. "Close your eyes," he said.

I gave him my best evil eye. "I am already playing your game, you pushy bastard," I said between my teeth. "Do NOT mess with me."

I was a bit surprised by myself. I didn't usually swear at all. Emmett sometimes brought out the worst in me.

Emmett nodded, the picture of obedience. "Okay," he said. "So do you want to know what we're playing?"

"Yes," I grumbled.

He brought out a rubber ducky. "We're playing Duck-Find."

I shot to my feet. "WHAT THE HELL IS A DUCK FIND, EMMETT?!" I half-screamed. "WHAT IS THIS!?

"Calm down," Emmett laughed. "It's a fun game." He gave me an encouraging smile. "Ask me how to play," he prompted.

"Tell me how to play the damn duck game, Emmett," I hissed.

"Good," Emmett said approvingly. "We'll need Alice's shampoos."

I smiled reluctantly. "Alice has shampoos?"

"Duh," Emmett replied.

Ten minutes later we stood over Alice's enormous bathtub. A greasy, multi-colored substance sat inside it, giving off a sickly sweet perfume.

"That's foul," I wheezed. "Hurry up, Emmett."

"Alright," Emmett said. "We both turn around…"

I watched him out of the corner of my eye. Emmett was a horrible cheater.

He threw the duck over his shoulder-we heard the 'glomp' of its landing in the shampoo. "Count to ten," Emmett murmured.

We both moved at the count of three, lunging into the shampoo. Emmett leaned over it, plunging in to his elbows-I slammed into him from behind, flipping him head over heels into the tub. The ceramic cracked. Emmett sat up, gasping and wiping shampoo from his eyes. "Bitch!" he panted, half-laughing.

"No LANGUAGE!" I shouted, ducking him again.

His hand groped about for a moment while I held his head under-abruptly Emmett was on his feet. Something white peeked between his enormous fist, gleaming with pink and purple shampoo. "What is that?" I asked. "Did you find the duck?"

Emmett unclenched his fist and drew out a bit of whitish tissue. "Wha-" I began. It was all I had time to say. I was already wrapped up like a mummy. "Real original, Emmett," I said sarcastically. I could hear him digging through the shampoo. It didn't take much to rip my way free. "Why you-" I snarled, tackling him.

Esme came in right then, a pink-frosted cake in her hands. Cooking for the werewolves and Renesmee, obviously.

"What is going ON in here?" she asked, right as Emmett threw himself out of the tub for the second time and rushed me. Both of us skidded across the floor, a mess of shampoo and soggy, soapy toilet paper, crashing into Esme. The cake went up-we went down.

Loud laughter came from directly above us. I looked up. _Please don't be Jake, please please please please…_

It was Jake, of course, holding the cake in one hand. He swiped his fingers through the frosting and dabbed it on my nose, then stood up, shaking with suppressed laughter. "Sorry to have interrupted, Bells," he said, his voice trembling. He licked his fingers and walked away. I could hear him howling with glee as he walked outside.

Emmett stood up. "Hey, Bella," he said. My brother held out his hand for me to see-that damned little yellow duck. "Was that what this was all about?" Esme asked. She started giggling.

There was no point in attempting to recover the remaining shreds of my dignity. I slumped to the floor, mortally embarrassed, and vowed that I was going to kill Emmett.

Right after I took a shower.


End file.
